MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE. REASONS FOR DIVORCE

Marriage and Divorce

>Marriages are happening in churches, temples,mosques etc.... All done in the presence of god. Still some relations last longer unto death, some broke after 10years, 5years, 1year, some even after FIRST NIGHT. Why so?. Why these marriages broke even after done in the presence of God?. What makes an affair to last until death.

>Each and every couple goes through different stages after their marriages which last until death. It just resembles a business cycle or commodity cycle where the prices increases gradually and then to maximum and then decreases gradually after some stage prices again rebounds. But here in real life love and affection attains greatest height during and after marriage for 3-6months. After 6 months to 3 years love and affection among partners vary due to different reasons with a downward bias. Among divorces most of them happens during this period. Between 3year and 10 year relations settled down and the couple live on the earth. After 10year children also incorporated into the affairs normally it is impossible to break 3way relationship. After 30years the relationship is hard, noting to complain, nothing to gain in pinpointing others faults. Now let us go through different stages in marriage life

STAGE-1(1st day -6month)

Here both husband and wife are living in the heaven. At the time of marriage the expectation is high, Both of them have huge happy feelings between themselves. This period both of them mask their ill feelings and shortcomings. The frequency of adjustment is relatively high during this period. Then are thinking about future though noting going to materialise in the near future. Both partners think about each other as best partners in this stage. Life is full of joy and wonder. Both of them talk about partners good qualites. They will talk to their collegues that my partner is the best one that I can get. This stage charecterises adjustment, compromise, care giving, helping etc.....Honeymoon, presents, house visits happens in this stage. In simple term, in the whole life husband and wife goes to each others home in most number of times in this stage.

STAGE-2(6months -3years)

couples settles down during this period. They are beginning to face the real life problems. Since husband and wife is distinct individuals and coming from different families and different situations ,differences comes naturally. They begin to surface slowly but steadily. The shortcomings are beginning to get notice. Differences vary from punctuality,cleanliness, relatives, bad habits like drinking,smoking etc...to Me high................ you low ..........on all counts. Couple are slowly returning to daily life. A clash between complexes can happen. Who is superior? . Who is the decision making body? Suddenly partners height, weight,relatives, cooking, manners, character, parents attributes, job culture, finance etc... come into play. Some couple talk, talk, talk.................. a lot and settles their differences . Some cannot cope with differences still cope with it to keep the affair intact and to escape from the bad name. some really want to escape from the affair with the help of divorce. Majority of divorces happens during this period. Those who survive this period will have longer relationship with their partners. Arrival of baby refreshes this stage. Two way relationship turns into three way relationship. Seed is sown for either breakage or cementage of relationship in this stage.

STAGE-3(3YEAR-10YEAR)

This is the period of hard work. Couple strives hard to attain their long term goals. To keep the future of their children safe. Failure in their work can put a hole in the relationship. Despair and failure puts additional pressure in the already strangled relationship and can make it break. Success and hope can blossom the good relationship further. Those who adjust with their partner find a cause in the form of their children to adjust. Those who thinks that it is high time to say bye will do it during this stage. Most of the bad qualities of a partner surface heavily during this stage. Partners qualities are tested at the extremes. Good relation still survive this stage with the help of open and true communication between them, joint work, help of parents and friends and mutual understandings among them. Love and affection is slowly but steadily shares among husband,wife,child. Responsibilities make both husband and wife to forget and forgive small mistakes and shortcomings of partners. They can now accommodate each other well.

STAGE-4(10YEAR TO UNTIL DEATH )

Divorce is relatively less or absent during this stage. This stage is dominated by the children who put major influence in the relationship. Couple normally not quarrel during this stage. Love and affection increases during this stage. Those who adjust the affair during last 3 stages begin to love and care their partners more. Couple finds out more ways to keep them refresh the relationship. At the later period of this stage ,some of the quarreled couples during earlier 3 stages tend to repent about their quarrel at this stage.

CAUSES FOR DIVORCE

A marriage is on the way to becoming broken when one or a combination of these things happen:

1. There is very little communication between you and your partner other than formal communication.

2. You disagree more than agree on most matters whether or not it leads to arguments.

3. There are too many arguments with or without physical abuse.

4. You and your partner have very few things in common other than things pertaining to your children.

5. You don't love your partner anymore; you only 'like' him or her.

6. You allow a third party person to speak your love language to you more than your partner does. That person is able to make you feel good better than your partner can or does.

7. One or both partners love someone else more than the other and spend more time with that third party than at home. You feel more emotionally attached to that person than to your partner.

8. You hardly do the things that you both enjoyed anymore. And even when you do, it does not bring the same enjoyment as it once did.

9. You increasingly prefer to be apart from your partner than together with one another. You don't enjoy each other's company the way you did before.

10. You are just going through the motions (usually only for the sake of the children). You don't look forward to anything in your marriage relationship. Nothing excites you about the relationship anymore.

11. You are not happy and do not feel fulfilled in your marriage relationship.

12. You focus on the flaws of your partner more than his or her good attributes and become increasingly disgruntled with it.

What if Columbus was a married man ?

When he steps out from home, wife asked, " Where are you going?

Why are you going?

When will you return?

Cant you postpone it to tomorrow?

Return home fast !

After hearing all these questions Columbus would have said that ' I am not going any where "

STOP DIVORCE

1) Get rid of communication gap. Talk to your partner freely and deeply. Find out some time to communicate to your wife. Switch off television set at night. Use mobile only when it is needed at most at home. Have time to spend with wife/husband and children.

2)Don't carry office worries to your home. Leave that baggage at office doorstep.

3)Be a good listener. Listen to your partners worries and needs. Be a good listener.

4)Think, what I would have done If I am the other guy. What I feel ,What I think etc. Think about the partners side in all conflicts.

5)Accept that your partner is also an individual. He has come from different family back ground, culture, habits etc... Accept that there will always be conflicts in interests. Tackle those differences for the further betterment of relationship

6)Always find out some spare time to go out with family

7)Don't ever carry differences to last for more than one night. Keep it a habbit to clear and settle all differences by night. Never quarrel in front of others. Never criticize your partner in front of others. Never quarrel in front of children.

8)Whenever you are in anger, try anger management tips like deep breathing for 1 to 2 minutes, counting 1 to 100 etc..

9)Share your efforts,happiness,sorrows,victories,sufferings equally with your partner.

10)Dont hesitate to take advice and help from family members, good friends etc.. Good advice from experienced couple some times help to clear differences.

WHY DIVORCE IS LESS AMONG POLITICIANS

Politicians are good listeners. They won't show what is in their mind. They can suppress things. They always have a capacity to accommodate others. They have great qualities like forget and forgive things easily. Whats more, they are hardly at home!.

b> SOME FUNNY JOKES

1)There was a family lived in the town. Husband was a heavy drunkard, addicted to alcohol. Family was run by the wife who was a laborer. Husband won't go to work ,whats more he forcefully took away hard earned money that the wife had earned. He also beats her after drinking alcohol. She was fed up with him. One day some people bought her husband to home in an ambulance and said to her that her husband is dead. Hearing this wife screamed aloud and cried heavily. Seeing this every one felt sorry for her. Neighbors took the body of husband for cremation. Upon passing through the door husband's head was struck by door and suddenly he become conscious. He lived again for days. He done the same things much more vigorously than earlier times. He cruelties to the family continues. One fine day husband is dead. This time it was confirmed by the Doctor. For cremation neighbors pick up the body of the husband. His was screaming in front of the people. She cries aloud. At the time when the body of the husband was going through the door wife said to the neighbors. "please carry the body of her husband carefully so that his body not touches the door again"

2)What is a wedding tragedy?
To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.

3)How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free

4)Confirmed Bachelors know more about women than married men; that's why they are bachelors.

5)Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

6)Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

7)Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

8)A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”

“I would love to.”, replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”

WHEN TO DIVORCE

In this section we will discuss when one can say really I need Divorce. In my belief one partner can ask for divorce for the following reasons.

1)DRUG ADDICTION

Alcohol, Pethidine, Marijuana, Smoking, Opium, Sleeping pills, Drugs etc. come under this. One should try all that one can take before taking last route. One should take the partner for Physical, Psychological, Social, Medical treatment . The partner should support him/her in this aspect. Support should come from heart. Think in other person's shoes. What he will have done if I am the culprit. Involvement, commitment, support of family members, colleagues, friends are a must for getting the partner away from Drug addiction. If all the Attempts fails, the partner again and again get back into the ugly habit, and not looking after family, and destroying the family mentally, economically socially, physically, then one should call bye. Here getting support and advice from family members is essential. Children living with a drug addict is harmful for children's growth also.

2)EXTRA MARTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Most of divorces come under this category. Confirm before fixing that your partner has another affair. Don't hump into conclusions. Talk with the partner in detail. Only if you see it yourself then only confirm that it is true. Don't digest gossips fully. Some times the partner may have been trapped into it. He/she wants to escape from it ,still couldn't escape from it because of black mailings etc. He/She may have wanted to inform you about the affair. But couldn't. Some times broken family conditions may result into another affair. Some can forgive it . Some can't. It is the prerogative of the partner to decide whether to continue the relation or give the partner another chance.

3)FINANCE

This problem is more in Asia than in other continents. In families where finance is a big problem , both the partners don't have sufficient finance to meet day to day needs slowly the relations tend to break. In India where dowry is prevalent in almost all parts of country this is the most common cause of Divorce. This is more of a social problem. Unless and until finance improves no one can do any thing apart from change in the attitude of partners.

4)LACK OF COMPATIBILITY

Marriages which are done just to satisfy parents, friends, love marriages tend to suffer from this factor. When the real life come reckons after honeymoon days some couple can adjust faster,some can slower. some never. When both can find a middle path the relation flourishes. When hard realities of life come face to face with couples, some of them falters. And the failures make accusations. It shows shortcomings. It make pointing fingers at each others. Good Psychological treatment can improve the relations to a great extend. Family and friends support make this factor relevant. Life experience, mental make up, presence of elders in the family, and good advice can make the relation over come the above said problems.

There are lot of other reasons for Divorce. Snoring, Sneezing, Chronic diseases like Cancer, Aids etc..,Sexual disorders, Bed time habits. Even some Divorces result from Remote control habits!. Ego clashes, lack of mutual respect, Lack of communication, apathy from husband's in laws, Dowry also are the causes of Divorces. Finding a cause for Divorce is easy. It is easy break away. But to join the two pieces is difficult. Family as a unit is a beautiful world to live one's life. Our all problems and sorrows will end if we live in a great family. After our hectic work, when we return our home, when our partner( be it husband or wife) receive us with a smile and children come calling papa or mama that is what all we like. That is what make us to live a happy life. If there is no happiness in a family then whatever we achieve in our professional life, nothing matters . Let us pray there be no more divorces. After all marriages are made in front of God.